Forgive... and Forget

we have all heard it from our elder and wiser ones... to forgive and to forget...  and just as we have generally tuned out their opinions on our music, our hairstyles and choices in friends, we also have kind of tossed this vital, peace-giving advice in the wastebasket.

but its worth reaching back in and un-crumpling the edges to take another read.

what seems just a few words to speak as easy advice to give is really a difficult and trying concept to receive, however.  forgiveness in our society feels more giving up or giving in than taking power and responsibility...  we are mostly taught or conditioned to feel that forgiveness is weakness and harboring negative emotions is powerful, which is almost as backwards as backwards can be.

remembering that our personal perspective is the only one we can control, forgiveness is taking back the reins of your life after a negative encounter.  without forgiveness, you are voluntarily relinquishing power to another, allowing their undesirable actions to dominate your thoughts, giving them an inordinate amount of presence in your energy...  and forgiveness calmly regains priorities like releasing a hot coal to fall swiftly into a well of cool water...

understanding that from our uniquely individual perspective that each person is really doing the best that they can with all that they have can really assist the process of forgiveness.  it is easier to forgive another when you begin to accept that you can almost never really understand their own unique view as you could agree that it would be virtually impossible for any other person to truly understand you and yours.  have you walked in their shoes through every one of their situations?  has your perspective expanded in the exact same shape and speed as theirs?  or is it possible that as different an orange from an elephant are you and every other person you have ever seen?

and so in comprehending that giving forgiving is not giving in or giving up but rather giving grace and accepting responsibility and letting go, with this knowledge you now have, it is easier now to find peace in yourself...  taking every opportunity to practice forgiving brings you closer and closer to that "hole in one" where you hardly think of the process of forgiveness and it purely, instinctively comes naturally and immediately to you...

and forgetting...  to release the past as just that...  an event forevermore gone to your touch... you cannot edit it, no changes, no fixing, no more...  so just release it...  you have forgiven and grasped back on to the reins of your part in this world, but at the same time it is imperative that you let go of the story...  sadly many can give forgiveness but cannot give up the image of the negative interaction...  and although they might have fixed their feelings on the original opponent, they transfix their gaze through broken glasses at others, using that oh so negative experience to justify new prejudices and injustices and lack of trusting and conspiracy theories-- "oh, the sky is falling!"

it does not do you any service to hold on to the feeling that whatever it was gave you.  if you can forgive, forget it happened in the sense that it will not skew the sunset you look forward for...


art - Infinity by Martin Graetz Photographie on deviantART